So you want to be an au pair

I recently spent five months working for a family with two small children.

Being an organised nerd, I spent months and months researching how to be a great au pair, how to find the right family, how to make sure everything goes smoothly, what to do when ish hits the fan and whether or not to go through an agency (read that last bit with an ominous tone)...





I made one stupid mistake. I looked for work independently, and did not consult an agency based purely on the fact that they cost more money. I interviewed loads of different families, and when I finally decided on one, I extra-cautiously exchanged loads of emails and a few Skype calls with them.

Then I crossed the seas and came to live with them.

On the night I arrived, I was immediately told that, actually, Host Mother (HM) and Host Father (HF) were not in a relationship, but had broken up months ago. They showed me their separate rooms.
On Skype they had told me they were a happy family that went on outings together and so on. The days we had Skyped were long after the couple supposedly broke up.

Within a few days of living there I realised this was not a temporary or amicable separation.
HM and HF fought loudly, for long periods of time, over and over and over. In front of me. In front of the children. A few times I couldn't fall asleep because I could hear them shouting at each other downstairs. The fights continued telephonically when they didn't see each other in person. They were in the middle of a custody battle, and soon my morning routine also involved separating their post into different piles. The lawyers' letters became a regular feature. One day a policeman showed up because HM claimed HF had hit her. She told me about the incident, but I hadn't seen anything first hand. HF claims it was a lie.

The kids really struggled at first. They didn't want a nanny and I don't think the parents took much time at all to explain to them the changes that were going on around them. Likewise, during my last few days with the family, there was again no mention about me leaving or what the future would hold. I took it in my own hands to tell the kids what would happen. I'm proud to say we grew closer despite the initial battles at the beginning of the year, and there were lots of cuddles before I could say goodbye to them forever. I have no intention of  keeping in touch with the broken remains of this family.

So, if you want to be an au pair, take this to heart:

1. Agencies exist for a reason. They aren't moneygrabbers, they are a protection system that will remove and replace you if you end up in a dodgy family.
2. No matter how much research you do on your own, you could still be fooled. So make sure you have a solid, nitpicking, lawyer-approved contract. If it wasn't for the contract my dad helped me write up, I would have been screwed 1000 times worse.
3. Have an exit plan and exit money. If it all goes to hell, and even your agency bails on you, make sure you have enough money to tide you over while you look for a different job and housing. Get the address and number for the nearest hostel, bus and taxi services.
4. Keep in close communication with your family and friends, give them your address and all the details you have of the host family.
5.  If, like me, you end up in a situation where you can't leave the host family, firstly see Point 1! Why didn't you go through an agency?! and secondly, chin up, knuckle down, and prepare to write a novel about the weirdest time of your life.